What breaks your heart?

Neglected animals used to wrench my heart. Hurting children? eh.

I used to watch the popular movies of the year and be unmoved by the lack of respect for human life. I was completely desensitized to children suffering. How humiliated I feel now to know I was that way.

The change came when I read the blog allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com. Loraine prayed that her heart would break for what breaks our heavenly Father's heart. I thought that sounded like a great prayer. So I prayed it over and over again.

I have to admit... it hurts! It hurts to have your heart broken over and over. If it wasn't for God grace I would drown in my tears. Thank the Lord we have prayer! The are so many orphans that DESPERATELY need homes NOW!! YESTERDAY! and yet there is only a small portion of our population who are willing to read about these babies and even a smaller portion willing to help.

People think Josh and I are crazy! How are you going to do it? I just shrug and point up and say "I figure if God can raise the funds, break the barriers, answer prayers, perform miracles, then he can help me with 4 under 4." There are still the few others who even after this, shake their heads in disbelief and say that I don't understand what I'm getting into and how detrimental it will be on our other boys.

REALLY!! Really?! Well then maybe we should just call the whole thing off and let Bohdan and Yuri live the rest of their lives in cribs. Then one day my boys will ask me if we ever thought about having any other children and I'll tell them "Yes you had two brothers who we were deeply in love with but thought it would be a burden on you guys so we left them behind." Can you imagine? I would be embarrassed to say this to my children.

Whatever happens in my life I want to be able to say that I said "yes". That I was available! That I was obedient to God's will. Isn't that what He asks of us?

It was a beautiful post written by my dear bloggy friend Adeye that God used to talk to me and Josh about adoption. It hurts when people tell me, "oh I've tried to read that stuff but it is so sad I can't finish it." Thank goodness there is that little x in the right hand corner of your screen. Too bad these orphans don't have that same little x that they can click to get them out of every uncomfortable situation, or to fill their bellies when they are hungry or to get them hugged when they are lonely.

There are quite a few orphans that I have the inside scoop on. These babies need large grants to get adopted soon before they are transfered. I will update the 'orphans on our hearts' page with them.

But let us not forget about little Brady and Heath. Remember them? The great Bradini! If you haven't read that post, you need to.

Please read Sad Reality Part 1 and Sad Reality Part 2.

Please revisit my post 'Lost Boys" and PRAY! PRAY your guts out that Brady and Heath find families. PRAY that they get grants! That the door to this institution remains open for adoption and that these children are not lost FOREVER! Join with me in my quest to raise money for them!

Spread the word about the quilt give away. A generous family has agreed to match whatever amount comes in for the quilt fundraiser and give it to the grant for the older boys (Brady and Heath :-) Lets make this count!

If you want extra blank sign up sheets let me know! Thanks for reading and hopefully for crying with me.

Are you sitting down?!!

We got our travel date!! YIPPEEE!!!

December 15th.

Its gonna be a crazy Christmas.

And on another great note....

Nikita's Momma and Daddy have committed to him!

I knew they were out there!

To God be the Glory!

Hand stitched quilt Give Away!

My wonderful Mema donated a beautiful quilt to help raise money for our expenses once we get our boys home. There will be many from beds to clothes to medical expenses!

This is quilt is truly ONE of a kind; hand stitched by Mema, who is 80 years young. She only uses a machine to sew the edges so it can be machine washed, the rest is all by hand!
It measures 6’ 11’’ by 5’ 9” and its beautiful!

So how can you get entered to win?
Just make a donation of $5 or more! Click on the Chip-in button above or email me for my address.
We will use random.org to draw the winner on
January 15, 2011 (or when we get home).

I know that is far away but I'm hoping it will give everyone enough time to get through the holidays and for us to get back with our boys!

Plus a family has pledged to match whatever funds are raised
and give to the DS boys 6+!
Yea, hopefully this will help find Heath and Maxim thier families!

Also, please feel free to post this on your blog or your social networking sites!

Thank you to you all for your continued support!

Waiting... waiting...

My friend Mel asked, while waiting for her travel date, 'How many times can you check your email in one day?" I have the answer! Over a million!! Every time I hear that 'ding' I race to the computer.... but still waiting. We are hoping to get news this week.

We have some info on the vote in the country where we adopting our boys from (I will refer to the country as AOBF). It will be in the middle of December and it is near the bottom of the docket so it might not even be read. This is kinda of a double edged sword. It would be really nice if it would pass and the country would join the Hague convention, this would be better for the children and the adoptive families. The catch is that they want to halt adoption while they become compliant, which the Hague convention does not support. So I think the best way to proceed in prayer is that the vote will pass but that they won't stop adoptions while they are become compliant.

(disclaimer: I got this information from a forum so the details may not be completely accurate. Please let me know if you have more accurate information.)

So a really cool thing happened the other day. Asher, Caius and I went to have a picture framed at a Cross stitch shop, which does great work by the way, and the shopping center has big sets of ramps and stairs. If you know Asher, you know his favorite thing to do is 'run ramps' so he takes off. And I mean off, he wouldn't stop. So Caius and I start chasing him and he ran past this second hand clothing shop. We jumped in there and I told the ladies I need a long flowy skirt. She asked (in a thick accent) What I needed it for. I replied 'Court in the AOBF'. She lit up! She asked specifically where and I told her and she said that she grew up just 100 miles from there and that she has very close friends that live there. I told her about Bohdan and Yuri and our adoption journey and she got goosebumps and started crying. It was very sweet. She said that I have to bring the boys over to see her when we get them home and that I can practice my Russian on her anytime I want! Cool huh?

I'm amazed at the lives touched by my sweet baby boys that I have never met. Soon though, soon.

What's going on

So I thought I would share a little about what is going on with us. (and use this as a way to ask for prayer)

A few months ago, after reading Lorraine's blog, around the time Chrissie was in the hospital, I prayed and asked God to soften my heart. (If you don't know Chrissie you need to). I prayed that my heart would break for what breaks His heart. Lemme tell, that was a life changing prayer!! It has been hard and wonderful all at the same time!! I've grown so much closer to God over the past few months. He has been SO real during this journey.

Last night I couldn't stop thinking about Brady. I was thinking that he and Asher would have SO much fun together. I wish wish wish we could bring him home and that I could be that Momma in the tennis shoes chasing him. I've asked but we would be pushing our luck to adopt outside the orphanage where we are getting our boys. They say that it is a tough region and everyone is quite skeptical about special needs adoptions.

Remember a few posts ago I talked about that book "Radical" by David Platt? Well Josh and I are both in our second read through in a month. It is so amazing and I'm SO thankful someone on the yahoo group shared it. Anyway, we are trying to cut our budget down and live on about half of what we make so we can use the rest to help other adopting families or whatever else God calls us to do. I edited the budget yesterday and got everything worked out except for the food and living expenses (well and taxes). Our big and I mean BIG problem is the house that we still own in New Mexico. If we could sell it then we would have the extra room in our budget for food and living expenses. If it sounds crazy to live on a minimum amount then you gotta read the book. You just gotta!

Anyway, we've owned the house since we got married. We haven't lived in it for almost 5 years. We have finally been able to put it on the market, due to extenuating circumstances we couldn't list it before, but it has been vacant for a few months and it is breaking right and left. I'm sending a check off to the plumber for $700 tomorrow. We have it listed cheap and 'As Is'. Please Please pray it sells and sells quickly!! Josh and I have been begging and pleading with God to bring us a buyer soon!

Asher got a bicycle yesterday. Its a strider bike. It teaches him to balance. Its really cool. He and Josh have been riding around the roundy-round in our house. I think I'm starting to see groove in the floor. :0)

I'm in my third trimester. They say adopting is just like a pregnancy and they are so right! I'm about to pop! I'm nesting like a crazy woman and can't stop thinking about holding my babies. I'm working on their room. I have a beautiful blue quilt that Josh' Mema gave us at our wedding. I'm going to use that for the basis for the colors. We shall see what happens.

Anyway gotta go to church. Sorry this post is all over the board.

Lost Boys

I found this post on Julia's blog. Momma to Aaron who was just brought home from an institution in Eastern Europe. She has other posts about her time there and they are definitely worth reading but you must read this. Please spread the word!! http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/

Brady and Heath

This post is pure agony. Plain and simple. It is the post I wanted to write when our plane first touched down in Virginia 3 weeks ago. I fully expected to start advocating for Brady and Heath as soon as we arrived home. The urgency is real. The reality that the door will not stay open long for them to find families made my zeal to write about them my number one goal. I intended to begin yelling from the rooftops about these boys within days of arrival. I tried. I prayed. I couldn't do it. The words died each time I sat in front of the computer. At night I would lay awake and think about them, especially Brady. Words would formulate in my mind, thoughts would begin flow. But when I sat down to try to to capture those thoughts, they would flee and I would be left gasping for breath. My heart ached deep within me each time I would remember them. It still does. Writing about it hurts. What makes the hurt worse is that we never got a chance to say goodbye. We just left.

I didn't know that the last time I saw Brady that it was for the last time. I thought I had more time. It rained on our last visits. When it rained they brought Aaron to us in the infirmary and they kept the rest of the boys inside the buildings. So we missed watching the daily parade. On Gotcha Day, they refused to let us visit Aaron's bedroom or his building. We were cut off from seeing the caretakers or nurses one last time. It was a bitter ending. We had to walk out without a goodbye. We never saw the Lost Boys again. If I had known, I would have reacted differently the last time I saw Brady. I would have picked him up. I would have hugged and kissed him. I didn't get the chance.

He was always trying to run away. His tiny little legs pumping just as fast as he could go whenever someone accidently let go of his arm. The nurse on duty on the last day that we saw him was the least experienced. She was a jolly woman, who dearly loved the boys and they were always happy under her care. Brady was in rare form. Happy, laughing. She fed him snack and laughed with me over him. Aaron finished his drink, I gathered his hated cookies and we left the shed. When Brady's group came out a few minutes later, I was standing in the driveway, watching from a distance as I always did. The nurse had hold of him and the other precious little DS boy who was Brady's best buddy. Somehow Brady got away. He came flying up the driveway, straight for me. The other little guy took off down the opposite lane. It was comical and fun. I wasn't allowed to pick Brady up though I wanted to so badly it made me want to scream. I could only catch him, turn him around and lead him back to the nurse who was rounding up the other runner.

If I had known that was the last time I would see him I would have picked him up. I wouldn't have cared. Just one time I wanted the opportunity to give that child a kiss and a hug. I didn't know it was our goodbye and because of that, I have shed many tears. I never got to hold him in my arms. So many times he tried to get to me. So many times I had to turn him away. That rips my heart out.

Brady. What can I say about him as the tears flow down my face. Just thinking about him reduces me to a weeping puddle on the floor. You can't help but laugh when you are around his tiny little self. The ultimate escape artist. Always trying to run and climb and get away. Brady. Dragged along by the bigger boys lest he take off. Precious, filthy, in desperate need of a bath, Brady.

He just plain wants a Mama. So many times he would reach for me, climb across the table for me, long to be held by me and all I could do was push him away. It was so hard to follow the rules of 'don't touch', 'don't look', and 'don't talk'. I had to pretend he wasn't there. I was reprimanded often for watching him too closely, for helping him with his drink, for quick attempts to pat him on the head.

He was in Aaron's group. He slept in Aaron's room. He ate at Aaron's table. How could I not watch him? How could I not want to reach over and pick him up? It was so incredibly hard. He was so quick to laugh when the caretakers were loving and took the time to help him with his food and his drink. His little tongue makes it so hard for him to swallow. But with gentle help, he could swallow his bits of food and drink. Oh what joy!

On days when he knew he would not be fed, he came to the snack shed weeping. He'd grab for the cup only to have it taken away. No bits of candy or cookies on those days.

Brady. In tattered clothes, girly white leather shoes that constantly fell off his feet and hats that fell down over his eyes. There is no way he deserves to spend his days as a lost boy. He is a funny little monkey with so much life in him. He is the tinest boy of all the 65 boys who are brought outside. Yet he is beating the odds and is surviving.

Some of the caretakers care deeply for him. They will hold him, play with him and keep him occupied. To see him crack up laughing when they give him a bit of attention is precious. But they have so many who demand so much. Brady needs so much more than five minutes a day of a harried caretaker's time. He needs a family. He needs a Mommy who wears tennis shoes and is willing to chase him across the yard. He needs to climb and jump and play. He needs to be held and kissed. He needs to sit in a bathtub surrounded with bubbles. Dear precious Brady.

Then there is Heath.

Heath was more elusive. We saw him only from a distance. It took us weeks to be certain it was actually Heath we were watching. He looked so small for his age, just plain tiny. He shared a wheelchair with another boy. Never did we see him walk. Off in his own little world as he rode by on his little two-seater throne. I couldn't help but smile sadly at Heath. I called him the little Burger King. Chubby cheeked, dirty, neglected little lost boy. Each day they took his group to a shed or a shady area and the boys were put on pieces of carpet on the ground. Heath sat. Nobody spoke to him. He sat hour after hour playing with the dirt or a piece of string or trash. Occasionally he would laugh at his own well-kept secret, but most of the time he was just plain lost in his own world. He needs so much. His group of boys was one of the lowest functioning. They just sat, rocked themselves for comfort, hit themselves in the head and groaned.

Brady and Heath. Two precious little ones among the 100+ Lost Boys at Aaron's institute. Two of many needy, desperately, lonely boys. But they are unique. They are the only two who are available for adoption at that institute. Just two little boys out of so many.

I do not know why only these two are available. I don't understand why the other precious children at that institute face a lifetime behind those walls. Some have families. A pitiful few even get visits. Most are completely alone, abandoned years ago but because of their disability, their age or their behavior, they are deemed unworthy. Most of them never had a voice when they were young, living at the baby orphanages. They never had a chance for adoption. Their files sat in dust heaps on the floor. There wasn't a Reece's Rainbow around for them when they were little. They were lost from the beginning. They will live out their days institutionalized. No longer little, cute or worthy of a family. It hurts deeply to face that reality.

Only Brady and Heath have hope for a family. The door is open for them but Rob and I both know the reality of that open door. After having been there and after walking those paths, we know it will only be open for a short time. Unless someone steps up and gets those boys, they will lose their chance.

I can't forget. Brady, Heath and the rest of them. I can't forget because I fell in love with those boys. All of them. My heart is broken deep within me. Honestly, I don't want to forget. I am trying to figure out where we go from here. In the meantime, I pray. Rob and I both pray. We pray for a family or two to take a huge leap of faith, cross an ocean and rescue these two lost boys who have a chance of escape. THEY ARE SO WORTH SAVING. Their time is running short.

We also pray that somehow, in some way, it would work out for God to make a way for His church to move into that institute in order to minister Christ's love to the rest of those Lost Boys and to all the weary workers who care for them.

Submitted

WE WERE SUBMITTED TODAY!!!

I'm in shock. I wasn't expecting it so soon.

Yippee!!

We've been praying for this to be expedited.

God just keeps answering prayers left and right. Thank you Jesus!!!

Page changes and dancing

I took down the page titled Imagine a Different Life. If you would like to have a link to the information on it or if you like to know why please email me. mrs.motowink@yahoo.com

Ok ya'll gotta check this out. Darya is a little girl who just came home from Eastern Europe. She is on her way to her cardiology appointment. She had a mirror in front of her and her mom was playing music. Check out her dance moves, it will make your day!!

http://ahomefordarya.blogspot.com/2010/10/music-mirrors-and-her-heart.html

Happy to Hear

I read this on my friends blog. She is in my boy's country. I just had to share this information. This little dude was one of the first to be transfered after I started following RR. I remember my heart sank after I got the news, now I feel there is still a chance for him to find a family. Please share his story.
From www.journeytoapromise.blogspot.com
Recognize This Face?

No?

How about now?

Ringing Any bells yet??

Come on... you know who it is.

Here's a little clue.

That's right! The little boy in all of these photos is my little buddyMaxim.

You're probably wondering where I go these new photos of him so let me share the story with you.

As we were going through the process to adopt Liza I was blessed to make contact with a couple of Missionaries who work in her area and even at her Baby House. One of them, Andrea, does some work with some of the kids at the institution where Maxim is and asked if we would like to go with her one day. Of course, I jumped at the chance!

I don't know if I can openly share how the whole encounter went so I will just say that we were able to go and while we were there I was able to see Maxim. To hold him and love on him. To laugh as he passed gas and laughed about it. That was one of the best parts of the visit, how he thought "tooting" (is it called that when boys do it?) was just the funniest thing - just like any other 6 year old little boy would. He was so sweet and so alert and attentive to those who had come to visit with him. Here's a little rundown of his abilities that I witnessed first hand:

• He can pull up to stand and walk with assistance.
• He knows his name and responds to it.
• he has a sweet nature, personality, and sense of humor
• he copies hand motions (I believe he could learn to sign)
• He can crawl
• he likes cars! :) They said he crawls tro the window to look out when the car comes to their building.

In the one pic above where you see his hands, he kept touching his thumbs together and so I put his pointers togehter to make a heart and after that he kept trying to do it himself. His worker was a really sweet lady who obviously believes that people with DS are capable. She hopes to see change in her country someday. That really touched my heart to know that he is being cared for by someone who believes that he can be something if given a chance. AND HE CAN!

Maxim's Mom and Dad? Where are you? I've seen him. I've held him and kissed his sweet face. He is waiting patiently for you to come for him. I KNOW, I just KNOW, that he will be the biggest blessing to his family. Please hear the call - for Maxim.