Peace

Wow!! Thank you all so much for your comments and encouragement. What a blessing your words and prayers are to me. 

Some of the comments seemed sad and I couldn't figure it out until I reread my post. Gosh! I didn't mean for it to come across so gloomy. I mean hopeless was a resident in my heart a few months ago but no more.

The Lord has given me a sense of peace. I wrote it not with tears in my eyes but with a smile in my heart. Submitted to God's will. 

I still don't have the results but the pain has definitely subsided, praise The Lord and I have peace.

 I plan on updating y'all about my funny happenings and life with my babies. Love to you all, goodnight!

Truth

I can't do it.

I am weak.

I thought I was busy.... I had no idea.

I am completely reliant on The Lord.

This cancer has taken me to a new level of brokenness. This cancer treatment is hard with 4 lils at home. 

Oh Lord, have mercy on me, I need healing!!

I have been so stressed about this regime that I have failed. 

People tell me I'm brave. Random strangers tell me I'm strong. People act like I have something special that allows me to survive under this burden. I do.

It's someone, Jesus. My Jesus! I have lost sight. I've put more trust in my ability to follow the cancer regime than His ability to heal. I have failed and now I'm sitting here in a waiting room waiting for an ultrasound on my neck that is swollen and painful.

Oh Lord have mercy on me and heal me please!

I'm often told I should blog. I agree. I have no idea when or if anyone would read the ramblings a of a broken human but we shall see.