Ok, Ok, I'm sorry

My gorgeous Caius James

Asher Max laying with his teddy bear in the back yard

Yuri playing on his fire truck.

Bohdan, the resident ham.

Yuri blowing kisses.

Aren't they cute!

My little Bohdan, who if you ask him was made to be held ALL the time!

Yuri crawling on Bohdan. Bohdan didn't seem to mind THIS time.

This is when his chin was so chapped.

Thank you all for being so patient. I'm sorry I haven't posted but things are a bit crazy. Everyone is finally feeling better. Thank you Jesus!

Josh and I think Yuri is allergic to Dairy and Soy. If we keep those out of his bottles he doesn't throw up. Yippee!! Which means we have gone a few days with no projectile vomiting! Now if I just keep him from stealing Bohdan's bottle.

Yuri is doing a lot better. He is learning what he is allowed to do and not do. He isn't hitting the others anymore even though he loves to lay on Bohdan, lol. He is learning and that is exciting. He is very mobile and slides on his back all over the house. Him and I have bonded more and he actually wraps his arms around me and hangs on. I can't tell you how good that feels, I almost cried today cuz he was holding on so tight and giggling. He still has manic episodes but they are getting fewer and fewer. We aren't out of the woods by any means but I actually feel as though we are going forward instead of backwards.

Bohdan is gaining a little weight, I can see it in his face. We are working with him on sitting up and he is very VERY curious. He crawls right up into anyone's business to see what is going on. He is too cute! Right now he thinks he can't get off the rug onto the hard floor so his curiosity is contained, for now.

Ok that was yesterday, last night Yuri threw up, he just head butted Bohdan in the face and today he is a different child. He acts as though he hasn't bonded to me at all. He is super fussy and destructive today. I just don't know.

http://www.only1mom.com/2011/02/respite-careand-blogging.html

This is a great post about life after adoption. You know what they say is true, we project personalities onto the pictures we see on adoption websites. We dream for months about how a child will be and will act, when in all actuality we know NOTHING about the child. I knew this but I thought at the least the diagnosis would be close. Oh silly silly me. I think that might be one of the more frustrating things. Not being able to get answers about Yuri's issues. I wish I knew how to deal with him. I wish I understood what he was going through so I could help but I am just as lost as he is.

When I go out with all four by myself people stare (of course) and comment on my beautiful boys and then some will say to me how wonderful and patient I am. I just laugh.

Ok to set the record straight: I am not wonderful, I am struggling with patience, I love my children but am finding it hard to like them all (ok Yuri) all the time. I don't like this person I have become. I don't like feeling helpless and hopeless. I don't like feeling like I'm not a good mom to all of my children. I hate this depressed and frustrated me. My poor hubby inevitably gets the brunt of this deal. I am so short with him. Poor guy.

I am praying, I am trying, I have reached out for help but all the help takes time, all the doctors take time. Please pray we can get into the right doctor that can help Yuri and fast!

BTW, we had the ridiculous idea to try to go to church this Sunday. We are obviously gluttons for punishment. It could have been much worse but I was very happy when it was over. I do miss going to church. :o(

Update again

Asher ran a fever ALL weekend, so we took him back to the doctor and come to find out he has ear infections that are flaming and pussy. :o( poor lil guy. His rash was gone on Friday but it left in waves down his body. So his forehead would be clear and then a few hours later his cheeks would be clear and so on. So now we don't think it was the measles but an allergic reaction to the penicillin. Anywho, we are on a different anitbiotic and I got him into our chiropractor today. So hopefully we are on the down hill path to wellness.

Bohdan is still happy as a clam and unscathed through all the sickness.

Caius still has a virus. He has a cough and runny nose. He is also throwing up quite a bit which I think is due to the drainage.

And then Yuri.... His nose isn't runny as much and he is responding well to my voice. For example, He will crawl up to one of his brothers and raise his hand to hit and I can tell him, "Yuri, no hitting. Be gentle" and he will put down is hand and look at me. So I do believe he is learning. He is throwing up a few times a day and each time it is about 3 to 4 projectile spews. I hope this passes soon.

As for the neurological appointment, the diagnosis of a metabolic disorder is much worse than the CP or Hydrocephalus. We are starting at square one and have no idea what kind it is, what parts of his body are being affected, his life expectancy or his prognosis. We are having to go to a super specialized geneticist to try and answer all these questions. If anyone has any advice concerning metabolic disorders I would appreciated it. :o)

I will try to get you all some pictures soon.

Neurology Appointment

Yuri's test didn't show any seizures. Based on the information I gave him and his exam, the doctor said that Yuri does not have CP and probably doesn't have hydrocephalus due to his small head size. He also doubts that Yuri suffered any major brain damage at birth. (I'm so glad I requested (fought) for the medicals to be translated.) He ordered an MRI and told us to go see a geneticist.

He believes that Yuri has a metabolic disorder of some kind. So now we have to figure out what it is. We will see if the MRI comes back with anything interesting

one word....

Measles.

Asher has the measles. yuck.

This was before the outbreak. Playing in the backyard.

Yuri was figuring out this thing called 'Grass'.

Bohdan posing. I had the boys outside soaking up the Vit D.

His chapped chin has almost healed up. almost. Not completley because he hasn't stopped chewing his fingers.

Caius posing with his cups. Poor kid is all chapped up from the snot and the weather.

Yuri with dinner around his mouth. Yes that is chocolate.

Jumping outside in his PJs.

Ok for the cardiologist update.

Both boys are fine! Praise the Lord.

We actually got an EKG and an echo-cardiogram on both boys. Wow!! Everyone did great!!

Dr. Glasow said he couldn't find the repair on Bohdan and that the surgery looked great. He said that there is a small murmur but nothing abnormal. He said Yuri's heart was perfect!

Big sigh of relief!! Thank you for your prayers. Neurologist appointment for Yuri is this Thursday. I will let you know how it goes.

Too funny not to share

I'm gonna type this real fast before I forget.

Okay the dead bird was a trophy of our youngest cat Trixie. I don't know if she killed it or stole it but she was super proud. Cool thing about Trixie is that we got her from the animal shelter at the end of 2010. She was put into a tiny cage at age 6 weeks and wasn't taken out until we adopted her at 6 months. She has some funny and sad behaviors due to this. Needless to say she chooses to sleep in the boy's room. Its like she knows they share a common beginning. :o)

Ok the quote was from "City Slickers". Billy Crystal's character is helping birth a calf and he pulls out his hand covered in goop out of the cow and it flings goop as he points and says, 'this was not in the brochure." I thought it was fitting for yesterday.

Sometime in the chaos of yesterday a fed ex package arrived. I forgot about it until around lunch today. I opened it and it was from BoA our mortgage company. It was a full packet with information, forms and a prepaid fedex envelope for returning the paperwork. I read through it and it was to keep us from foreclosing on our house. "Huh?" I think and I throw it in the fireplace.

During naps I got a little time to go through and balance our budgets. I noticed that BoA had increased our payment amount due to escrow needing more money. I think I remember something about this before I left for U but haven't thought about it since. I wasn't too worried because we pay a little extra every month anyway. How much could it increase? I check it out and it increased by $50!! Oi! So I remember seeing an envelope from them in the mail yesterday and I grab it. It says we owe $790 bucks, the mortgage payment was only $605 before all this. So I call them. The number is a debt collection agency. What?

So I get online, find a good number and call it. After a lot of talking and checking and holding we figure out that our account is a full payment behind. So some more checking and investigating. Come to find out who ever posted our payment for December didn't post the payment insead posted it to principal so we have been behind since then. Grrrr!!! No wonder they were trying to offer us help on our mortgage. So we got that cleared up but I still have to fight to have it taken off my credit bureau.

How funny is that? We have a great day and then this.

So I was changing Yuri's dirty diaper today and swaddle the top of him and play him music. He is doing ok. Not great but better. Just then here comes Bohdan, he wants the phone playing music. He smashes Yuri in the face trying to crawl over him, this upsets Yuri. I move Bohdan, here he comes again and tries to crawl over Yuri's tummy. I'm thinking, 'Dear sweet child! Yuri is finally doing better and you have to get involved!" so I move him as far away as I possibly can while managing not to spread Yuri's mess. I continue. By the way, I diaper change on the floor in the living room. So Bohdan is MAD at this point and is throwing whatever he can reach. He is crawling and throwing. Out of the corner of my eye I see what he is dead set on getting to and throwing. The dirty diaper that has not been bound up yet. I can't let go of Yuri's legs or it will be a huge mess and I can't let Bohdan reach that diaper. Just then Asher attacks me from behind. He throws his arms around my neck and jumps on in pure WWF style. (we wrestle a lot) I wanted to scream "GO GO Gadget arms" but I new in the back of my mind nothing would happen. So I employed my leg to roll Bohdan away, I shook my torso to free myself of the 2 year old and never let go of Yuri who at this point was happy listening to his music. Caius looking on in amazement. Oh the joys of motherhood!

Btw, no throw ups today. And yesterday Yuri only threw up once the rest was Caius. :o(

At the next Yuri dirty diaper change I didn't touch his legs. Instead I touched his shoes and placed his feet where it allowed me to wipe well. He didn't even squirm until I had to raise a leg to get everything clean. Things that make you go hmmmmm..........

Quick update

The Count

7 throw ups

6 poopy diapers

3 boxes of tissue

4 baby baths (not Asher)

1 pair of pants peed on

3 shirts snotted ( I change when they get soaked thru)

2 bedding changes

1 play pen thrown up on and washed

1 throw rug thrown up on and washed

4 loads of laundry

4 bottles dumped out

1 changing cover messed

1 dining room floor covered in puke

1 temp over 100 degrees

1 temp over 102 degrees

1 temp over 103 degrees

1 happy Bohdan who wants to be held

2 miserable bios who want to be held

1 snotty Yuri who does not want his nose wiped

2 sick parents

1 exhausted Momma

1 dead bird

and this was only today...

Ok "this was not in the brochure" (movie?). I was expecting tough but this is exponentially harder.

Cute things the kids have done lately:

Yuri:

I've started the play pen thing for him. I placed it in the middle so he couldn't reach the walls. He threw out all of his toys and shimmied the play pen back and forth until he reached the wall. He then proceeded to empty the card holder hanging there and then hung from it. I watched it all happen, I was amazed at his persistence.

Bohdan:

Loves to be held. He will put out his hand for you to pick him up whether you are near him or not. If you call him he will crawl across the room to you.

Asher:

He is a neat freak but I haven't figured out how his brain works. He took my basket of pens and emptied it onto my bed. I came in during the process. When I came back in to check on the status, the basket was back in its place except it was empty and I couldn't see the pens. I found them under Josh's pillow. ?

Caius:

I noticed he was waking up from his nap today and I watched him. He has a mirror in his crib and was laying on his tummy. He raised his head slowly up and turned to the side. Noticing himself in the mirror is grinned and turned away. Then he looked back. That handsome guy was still there and Caius smiled and laughed at him. This went on a bit. Too cute!

I will update you all about my Yuri thoughts later. I've been trying to nail down what one thing will send him into a tizzy faster than anything and I've concluded that is having a poopy diaper changed. Nothing will calm him, not music, not a bottle... I can't imagine why this bothers him so badly.

And the winner is....

Here's the only pics I've taken lately. We were trying to soak up some Vit D to counter the yuck we all have. The were hanging from a tree in the backyard.

i'm so sorry for the delay. Only a few months late. :oD

I wanted to go through and make sure I hadn't left anyone out since I had extended and re-extended. I must have started a billion times then duty called and then I would forget where I was and then start over.

Anywho, there was 171 entries, I entered everyone into excel which gave every entry a number. I then used random.org to randomly draw a number and that person is.........

MARINA ST. KITTS!!

Thank you SO much to everyone who donated to the quilt giveaway fundraiser. $855 was raised for our growing family and that amount was matched and given to the older boys with DS fund, thanks to a generous family.

Answers and explanations

First let me say thank you to you all for your advice and support. I really REALLY appreciate it. To answer some of your questions...

According to my fabulous Pedi- H-Pylori is tested for with blood. We haven't drawn their blood yet due to the fact they are so small and dehydrated. We are waiting for a little bit so when we try to draw blood we will actually get some blood. I would hate to traumatize them and not get anything.

Charissa- It was your pic of Ivanna with socks on her hands that gave me the idea about putting mittens on Bohdan.

Bohdan isn't sucking on his hands, he is biting them. He nails and fingers are all messed up. The cuts and callouses are still healing. Not to mention his finger nails are split due to his continued biting them. I have tried to give him a paci. That was torture. I have tried other chew toys of all sorts, teething tooth brushes, even an empty bottle but he won't have any of it. He will chew on his tongue which I suppose it better at this point. Small steps.

We know Yuri's throw up cry. Josh actually caught him before it last night and got him to the sink before it happened. Yippee! One less load of throw up laundry. Problem is that it was at least 2-3 hours after he ate. I'm trying to keep him upright but you would think I was torturing him. I fed him in the bounce and then gave him toys to play with but the toys were thrown and that dear sweet child lost it. If I didn't know better I would have thought there was electric current running through the bounce. I switched him over to a walker which is where he is self destructing right now. I say self destructing because he has thrown all the toys I gave him and is jerking his head back and forth trying to hit it on something while grinding his teeth. Now he is shaking his head back and forth. The walker does have a toy bar with music buttons that he is hitting with his hands and head. I think that is the only thing keeping him in there. I'm not sure it is going to be possible to keep him upright for 30 minutes to an hour after a meal.

Yuri is a hard egg to crack. The most we have come up with is that he wants to be in total control. Which would make sense being that for his whole life it has been him against the world. He is happy to see us and even claps when he is happy but that generally only has to do with a bottle. He HATES to be held and throws himself backward. I will try to hold him in my lap and rock and maybe hold his hand but the way he reacts you would think it was causing him pain. He fights diaper changes, nose wipes, face cleans, anything. and I'm not talking about a normal little boy fight. I mean it is the end of the world. He completely fell to pieces last night because he saw the other boys playing with a toy and he couldn't have it. When I say fell to pieces, I don't just mean fussing or crying, that would be a relief. I mean fussing and crying while looking for anything to hit or knock over including but not limited to bottles, bounces, toys laundry baskets, etc., while on his way to the wood floor to rub his head. Even though I don't allow him to do this he has rubbed all of the hair off the sides of his head. A lot of it came off during the flight home.

I'm trying to build trust with him but it is very hard considering even the normal day to day stuff send him into orbit. I am trying to softly talk him through these necessary evils so he will get used to them. It is hard to play with him with toys or with the other boys because he only wants to throw the books and toys and gets upset and flails if he can't. Which isn't fair to the other guys.

Please keep this little one in your prayers. There is something going on in his little body and I wish he could tell me. I do think he is very smart and will learn quickly once we can get whatever is bugging him sorted out and/or understood.

Things are getting better slowly as we are learning the boys cues and they are settling into their routines. It would be much easier right now if no one was sick. Both boys are very smart and test their boundaries often just to check to make sure they are still there. I think this is a good sign and shows that they are learning and I firmly believe that boundaries build security.

Gotta go!

few pics

Asher, my super sick kiddo right now. I don't know if allergies are getting him or what but his eyes and nose are running away.

Eating pears. He was liking it. Don't know why the serious face.

He has been throwing up a lot... have a call into the pediatrician.

Pears are good!

Helping Mommy clean the kitchen. Yes those are mittens on his hands. Someone wouldn't keep them out of his mouth and now his whole chin is one big chapped place.

In his new outfit that Corey and Jenna surprised us with.

I would say something about why he was upset but he is often upset and it could have been any

number of reasons. I'm really looking forward to our neurology appointment next Thursday.

Bohdan in his monkey outfit. He was ready for a nap. and wasn't about his hat.

Sorry about the lack of updates. I have a few sick kids on my hands. Yuri throws up on the bedding faster than I can get it washed. Bohdan is doing well but doesn't like the new rule of 'no hands in the mouth.' Asher is miserable. And Caius is good but on the verge of being sick as well.

Parasite test came back negative. To my great surprise!! We are waiting to do blood work after the boys gain some weight.

My cup runneth over

Guess who ate like a big boy? From a spoon... with no fighting or fussing. Guess who wanted more food? Any ideas?

Is it Yuri the 3.5 year old who has only been on bottles, who shunned the spoon last night and fought like crazy at the sight of it?

Is it Bohdan the 3 year old who after having his hands held took a little bite last night but didn't like it, who has also only ate from a bottle his whole life?

Or is it Caius, the 15 month old who used to throw up at the sight of a spoon. Who couldn't even have his hands touch the food without sending him into a throwing up fit?

Any guesses? Well you would be right!! They ALL ate baby food from a spoon. There was a little struggle at the beginning with Bohdan and Yuri but at the end of dinner they were all opening their mouths for the spoon and asking for more!!

This has been a huge answer to prayer regarding Caius and I didn't expect Yuri and Bohdan to take to it so soon. Thank you Jesus!! Thank you heavenly Father!!

first day by myself

Double diaper change

What a ham! We went outside today and Bohdan was in the Johnny jump up behind Ash in this picture.

Yuri sat on the fire engine

Josh and Yuri was pushing Asher in the swing. I love this picture. they have the same expression.

During our day outing, Caius was in the swing.

The three muskateers, ages from left to right, 3.5 years, 3 years, 15 months

Yuri and Granma Di

Eating dinner.

We tried to feed Yuri but he just wiped the food all over his face. It did make for cute pictures.

Bohdan ate a little better than Yuri but still got it everywhere, so he needed a bath. When I saw Josh walk by with him I just knew I had to take a picture. Poor little man!

After the bath

Yuri is doing well about crawling. He crawled on all fours over to this toy yesterday and played with it while on his knees.

Yesterday was the first day I was alone with all 4 boys. You all must have been praying your guts out because it went well. We even had two therapist appointments for Caius.

Yuri threw up once yesterday but overall is eating like a champ. Bohdan eats but not as much. I wish I could tell you everything is perfect and wonderful but this is life we are talking about. I wish I could tell you that both boys are doing fabulous and taking to their new life easily. I wish I could tell you that I'm doing fine. I guess I could tell you all of this but I want this blog to be truthful and I figure you all have been with me through the other rough parts why not this. Good new is Caius and Asher are handling all the changes really well.

Needless to say I'm reading the 'Connected Child' again. If you have any thoughts about these behaviours please share them.

I'm just amazed that these babies are so skinny, malnourished, dehydrated and yet will throw their bottle and refuse to eat because the consistency isn't exact or because we aren't holding the bottle for them. Last night both boys were hungry. We know this because they were starting to self soothe. Josh made their bottles and neither would take it. Not even when Josh was holding them. So we added two more scoops of cereal and they both finished their bottles, Bohdan having to be held of course. They are very, very picky eaters which suprises me. At first I though their tummies were upset or they just weren't hungry. I made them a pediasure bottle thinking it would be some calories since they didn't eat dinner. I figured it would take some time for them to even want it but oh was I wrong. They both finished it in record time with no issues and no pauses. I realize they can't only eat only pediasure but you hate for them to skip a meal and that is exactly what they are doing. ??

Another thing that I think is strange is that no cup, bottle or bowl is allowed to be sitting upright. If either boy sees these atrocities they fuss, make a bee line for it and then knock it over, dump it out and in Yuri's case continue to hit it. Bohdan won't allow a bottle near him knocked over or otherwise, even if he is still hungry. But heaven forbid we take a bottle out of the room he is in. He can be full and refused the bottle, it can be an old bottle or Yuri's bottle and he will sob if a bottle leaves. Too peculiar.

The hardest thing for me has been how contrary Yuri is. He fights me on EVERYTHING!! Whether it is a nose wipe, diaper change, taking his bottle, getting dressed, etc. Even something good he fights and fights and then finally will give in. I understand both boys are going through a ton, more than I can possibly imagine. And I think it would be easier if Mt. Doom wouldn't have been so darn BIG! I feel like my patience needed some recovery time.

Both boys are showing progress each day. Yuri has been hitting his brothers in the head and face. We have been working on that. He is smart. Now he will look straight at me and go to hit someone but will stop an inch or so from their head. Today I was changing Asher's diaper and I hear Bohdan start crying. I run in and find Yuri smacking him in the face. Oi! He waited for me to leave. As I'm typing this Yuri crawled up to Bohdan and hit him. I called his name and told him no which usually will stop him but he just looked at me and hit him two more times.

Please keep the prayers coming. They are much needed.