We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms tells us that while we were still in our mothers womb that God knew us. He made us just the way that He intended and He doesn't make mistakes.
Getting the news that your child has a special need is not something that any parent wants to hear. We want the BEST for our child and as humans in this society the BEST is normalcy. To have every opportunity and to succeed in the world that we know. Problem is that we are limited by our understanding. Reading the book 'Radical' by David Platt helped me to accept Caius' diagnosis. He said that we are created for one purpose and that is for God's glory. So I have to trust and believe that God has so much more in store for Caius and all my children with SN than could have been accomplished without their SN.
I still struggle though. Every once in a while the diagnosis of Down's Syndrome will jump up and bite me and I will feel sad for Caius. And this is coming from a Mom who adopted special needs kiddos. But that is just my pride, insecurity and humaness. I know God called us to Bohdan and Yuri specifically but I still wonder, Why? I'm ashamed to admit that I have often wondered what God could have possibly been thinking with Yuri? Surely he is better suited for a children's home instead of a family. Surely everyone would be better off that way.
But then I'm reminded that God doesn't make mistakes and that He placed these two babies in our home for a reason. I don't know what that reason is but He did and with His help we will succeed.
So to answer some of your question from the comments this is my response. Adopting these two babies has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I mean it is right up there with Caius' open heart surgeries. And I thank you all for your comments even the hard ones.
In particular, one of the comments asked, would he be better suited for institutional life? I'm glad this was asked to me because it made me answer. It made me cross over to the other side of the question and here is my answer. NO.
He seeks out attention. He wants love. Granted he doesn't know how to process it. He claps and laughs when I get him out of his crib. He crawls to me and holds onto my leg to stand. He does this while I get ready and watches me put on my makeup. He signs 'more', 'daddy' and 'please'. He craves praise! He mimics our sounds, kisses, raspberries, 'mama, ect. He shakes his head whenever he sees me, even if I'm just passing by, in hopes I'll return the shake.
-Is he tough and hard to deal with? yes.
-Is he learning? yes
-Is he making progress? yes
-Is he getting better? yes
-Does he know me? Yes
-Does he know I am his Momma? Yes
-Does he still have manic episodes? yes
-Are his manic episodes lessening? yes
-Is he ever going to be normal? I don't know
-Will he ever be independent? I don't know
-Did God call us to him and Bohdan specifically? Yes
-Knowing this would I change anything? No
- Do I believe God has a plan for Yuri? Yes
-Do I believe that God is going to use Yuri for His Glory? ABSOLUTELY
So yes, I'm a poopy pants and when days with Yuri are bad they are REALLY bad and I share them with you all probably more than I should and definitely more than I share the good days. But when days with Yuri are good they are amazing!
So from a momma who has had a rougher happily ever after with adoption than you would read in fairy tales let me say this: If God is calling you to adopt, if He is nudging your heart, Go!!!! Follow!! Obey!! you will be so much better for it. These children deserve a family! Even the hard ones. They have had a rough start so yeah love is a foreign thing to them but you can teach them what it is. You can show them. It is worth it! All of it!
I feed on all of your prayers support and advice and I thank you. Thank you for riding this roller coaster of a journey with me.
This is Trixie, Yuri's new buddy. They have been playing together and this is how I found them this morning.
And a little off topic
- I think we have a diagnosis for Yuri but I will save it for another post.
- the balls we took to Ukraine we found at Wal-Ma*t but don't tell anyone I went there. I just went there with my mom while I was out of town (Ern :o))