Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Truth

We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms tells us that while we were still in our mothers womb that God knew us. He made us just the way that He intended and He doesn't make mistakes.

Getting the news that your child has a special need is not something that any parent wants to hear. We want the BEST for our child and as humans in this society the BEST is normalcy. To have every opportunity and to succeed in the world that we know. Problem is that we are limited by our understanding. Reading the book 'Radical' by David Platt helped me to accept Caius' diagnosis. He said that we are created for one purpose and that is for God's glory. So I have to trust and believe that God has so much more in store for Caius and all my children with SN than could have been accomplished without their SN.

I still struggle though. Every once in a while the diagnosis of Down's Syndrome will jump up and bite me and I will feel sad for Caius. And this is coming from a Mom who adopted special needs kiddos. But that is just my pride, insecurity and humaness. I know God called us to Bohdan and Yuri specifically but I still wonder, Why? I'm ashamed to admit that I have often wondered what God could have possibly been thinking with Yuri? Surely he is better suited for a children's home instead of a family. Surely everyone would be better off that way.

But then I'm reminded that God doesn't make mistakes and that He placed these two babies in our home for a reason. I don't know what that reason is but He did and with His help we will succeed.

So to answer some of your question from the comments this is my response. Adopting these two babies has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. I mean it is right up there with Caius' open heart surgeries. And I thank you all for your comments even the hard ones.

In particular, one of the comments asked, would he be better suited for institutional life? I'm glad this was asked to me because it made me answer. It made me cross over to the other side of the question and here is my answer. NO.

He seeks out attention. He wants love. Granted he doesn't know how to process it. He claps and laughs when I get him out of his crib. He crawls to me and holds onto my leg to stand. He does this while I get ready and watches me put on my makeup. He signs 'more', 'daddy' and 'please'. He craves praise! He mimics our sounds, kisses, raspberries, 'mama, ect. He shakes his head whenever he sees me, even if I'm just passing by, in hopes I'll return the shake.

-Is he tough and hard to deal with? yes.
-Is he learning? yes
-Is he making progress? yes
-Is he getting better? yes
-Does he know me? Yes
-Does he know I am his Momma? Yes
-Does he still have manic episodes? yes
-Are his manic episodes lessening? yes
-Is he ever going to be normal? I don't know
-Will he ever be independent? I don't know
-Did God call us to him and Bohdan specifically? Yes
-Knowing this would I change anything? No
- Do I believe God has a plan for Yuri? Yes
-Do I believe that God is going to use Yuri for His Glory? ABSOLUTELY


So yes, I'm a poopy pants and when days with Yuri are bad they are REALLY bad and I share them with you all probably more than I should and definitely more than I share the good days. But when days with Yuri are good they are amazing!

So from a momma who has had a rougher happily ever after with adoption than you would read in fairy tales let me say this: If God is calling you to adopt, if He is nudging your heart, Go!!!! Follow!! Obey!! you will be so much better for it. These children deserve a family! Even the hard ones. They have had a rough start so yeah love is a foreign thing to them but you can teach them what it is. You can show them. It is worth it! All of it!

I feed on all of your prayers support and advice and I thank you. Thank you for riding this roller coaster of a journey with me.

This is Trixie, Yuri's new buddy. They have been playing together and this is how I found them this morning.


And a little off topic
- I think we have a diagnosis for Yuri but I will save it for another post.
- the balls we took to Ukraine we found at Wal-Ma*t but don't tell anyone I went there. I just went there with my mom while I was out of town (Ern :o))

23 comments:

  1. For what it's worth you are super mom/super woman to me and even on your worst days I am beyond envious and impressed with everything you do and have done. Don't let any of it get you down He has a plan for all of it!

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  2. This is a beautiful post. Please don't stop sharing the bad days with the good. I would have never known that its hard, but tis worth it, has it not been for honest adopting parents like yourself.
    Adoption any child, especially one with the special needs, should be a decision that is heavily made relying on God, and not decided on a whim. Your boys are beautiful, all of them. :)

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  3. I loved the video of Yuri. He is so beautiful!

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  4. Do you seriously hate W-M? Because I hate it, and I go there for one thing (Zulka cane sugar) and I always try to hide, LOL! ;p Thank you for being so honest in your posts, Autumn!! I am praying for you and your boys and I am grateful for your honesty. And I'm always happy when I see you've posted! :) Some days as a mom to my four LOs who don't have SN are hard, I can only imagine how hard this has been and will continue to be for you. I'm excited to meet and bring our son home, but I know it won't be a picnic - I love that you can lay it all out about how hard it is and still say with faith that you know God called you to it and you wouldn't change it. Thanks, sister!! <3

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  5. I really appreciate this post.

    I was the person who asked whether perhaps Yuri would be more suited for a children's home or some other setting that's more institutional and less family-like. I'm so glad you answered this difficult question (and I'm so happy that you didn't take it the wrong way...re-reading my comment, I'm not sure I worded it properly - it came out harsher than I intended.)

    This post and the video also makes me realize that Yuri isn't always miserable and he's not always awful to be around -- that was my impression previously. As I said in my OP, I'm acutely aware that a blog provides a very narrow snapshot of a very large and complex picture! So while life is difficult and Yuri is often miserable, unhappy and struggling, it's really wonderful to hear that there are small periods when he's not miserable. That's great! I hope that those periods become more and more frequent.

    I'm really glad you shared this new piece of the picture. Thank you for answering my difficult question. :-)

    I can't wait to hear about what you've learned about Yuri's diagnosis! I hope that sheds some light into why he's so frequently miserable.

    Ellie

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  6. I don't know how I totally missed the post when it was originally posted?? I'd swear it wasn't there but I'm sure it's just me! Anyway...well said Autumn and can't wait to hear about the additional diagnosis for Yuri! How is Bohdan doing? Had he put on any weight? I keep thinking about the picture of Josh holding him shortly after you got home, poor little skinny guy!

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  7. The little video of Yuri is so cute!!! His whole face has change! He now has chubby rosey cheeks!! Every child need a home, parents to love them and a place to grow. No matter if they have speical needs or not. At the end of the day they are just children and they need to be loved. You are doing so well Autumn!!

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  8. It's precious to hear his sweet voice! Thank you for sharing this.

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  9. Don't start sugar-coating your posts just b/c non-adoptive parents don't get it. And don't think you'll discourage them from adopting. More adoptive parents need to be honest about the difficulty.
    I have gotten the most encouragement and the most criticism when I have been honest about our adoption-related struggles. Adoptive parents love the transparency. It encourages them. And it allows future adoptive parents to not think they're nuts when things aren't all peachy in the beginning.
    God is glorified through adoption.

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  10. Oh my goodness, that video just melted my heart. Kellan watched it with me and he instantly said, "Wow, Mom, Yuri does the exact same things that Hailee does!"

    Wow...he really does. Their mannerisms are so similar. I remember the days when I used to go into their room and Yuri would be IN the crib with Hailee. It was the sweetest thing. They told me that he loved her :) Sweet!

    You're doing a fabulous job, Mamam....one day at a time. I cannot wait to hear about the diagnosis.

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  11. Autumn, I thank you for being honest. Otherwise I would be like "oh good--they all lived happily ever after" and I would forget to pray! That video is precious. You are obviously so funny Momma! :) How long has it been now? A few months? I still say none of us will believe the difference in 2 or 3 years. It will be incredible b/c God's love is big enough. I was struggling with some other things yesterday and I read Job chapter 38 to the end. This is the part where God is questioning Job. All I could walk away and say was, "Is ANYTHING too hard for God?"
    Thank you for trusting Him...even on the hard days.

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  12. Another brave and courageous post and full of truth. We have our days of feeling the same (not so much with the Ukrainian princess...). You are and will be blessed more as a family, and you are in our prayers.
    Love, The Lococos

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  13. You go girl!!!

    Im thanking Jesus for every day those boys are free and in your family and Im calling on Jesus every day to give you the strength and grace to persevere!

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  14. He is precious though! And he clearly is communicating with you.

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  15. What a lovely post. You are a truly amazing women and mother. My mouth dropped when I read that Caius, too, has down syndrome. I had no idea. Love the video of Yuri. You will be rewarded for your great love and self-sacrifice. When we all line up at the pearly gates begging for entry, St Peter will bellow, "Please stand back, Autumn is coming through!"

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  16. I have to say thank you for sharing this entry. I appreciate that you share that it is a struggle because it's honest and we cannot fault you for being honest or ask that you apologize for being genuine! I think it's a very good thing that you are honest, because it's your reality and you are sharing a journey with us strangers that because of people like you, others may be inspired to answer God's call and follow the same path and they must be realistic with themselves and aware that it could be a struggle once they say yes!!

    I am soooo happy to see this adorable video of Yuri!! I love his little face, (also nice to hear you say his name, as I have obviously been pronouncing it very American and incorrectly! LOL)

    Although I do not know you or the other families who I follow, I am so very grateful for you! I am thankful you said Yes and thankful that you do share, the good and the bad. Thankful that you are giving these boys the chance that society tried to take from them!!

    Will continue to remember you and your four boys in prayer!!

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  17. I have to tell you that you are my favorite blog and that's saying something, because I read a lot of them!!! I love your honesty and tenacity with your children. We will be traveling in May!

    Catherine

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  18. I appreciate hearing the truth, and how can we pray for you if you don't share it? ;) This is a beautiful post. Thanks.

    Susan

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  19. I agree with what Shari said up above,.....somehow I missed this post when it was posted and just found it recently. You know what?? That PRECIOUS video of sweet Yuri MAKES MY DAY. I have had a couple of rough days and when I am feeling down, I watch that video and that sweet sweet voice coupled with his contagious smile perks me right back up. I hope the blogging is cathartic for you and your bad days are eased by the support of your blog followers! I wish I could do something for you because I am continuously amazed by you. Keep that chin up!

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  20. thanks for posting the good and the bad, and even the rough and the tough. loved this conversation between you & yuri. you are such a sweet, encouraging mamama and work so well with your boys. continued prayers.

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  21. You are so brave. You are such a wonderful example of what God calls us to do. He doesn't promise it will be easy, but He says it will be for His glory. I am praying for you. I am praying for you to feel his peace above everything else, and for you to be able to rest in Him. Please don't stop sharing the hard days- It is an honor to share these days with you, and to know how to better pray for you.

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  22. It is so good to hear the really hard parts and the wonderful progress. God has asked you to do a very challenging thing but I know He is with you in all of it! May God greatly bless you, your husband, and your children. The video of Yuri is so precious.

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