Monday, February 4, 2013

Day 13

Today is done and tomorrow will be better. I received the Coley's toxins around 8:45am and the injection hurt, bad. By 9am I couldn't move my arm. This made nursing Danica difficult. Praise The Lord my reaction was minimal, No doubt because of prayer. My stomach was upset, my coffee breaks were hard and I was depressed but past that I was fine. Well.., except for my arm, which still hurts.

I'm not out if the woods yet though. Because they have it to me subcutaneously it can cause a reaction up to a few days after injection. Yippee..,(sarcasm font needed).

Prayer requests;
Danica isn't sleeping and today screamed a lot. She seems well except for this.

My state of mind. One of the symptoms of this treatment is intermittent depression. This one is hitting me hard. So hard that I'm not just depressed, I'm also ANGRY. Not necessarily at anything and I'm quietly angry. It feels awful. I do not like this state. My depression/anger isn't directed toward anything in particular; sometimes the food makes it worse or the pain. Sometimes it flares at the thought that this treatment will continue for 2 years and that makes me feel angry and then hopeless. It's odd that I'm rarely angry at the cancer. It's like it's not completely real. I don't know. Somedays when I'm not having a reaction I feel fine, hopeful. This anger isn't rational and is obviously a side effect But it still stinks.

Thank you all again for your support and continued prayers.


  1. I'm keeping you in my prayers!! :)

  2. thanks so much for sharing about your depression and anger, autumn. praying for you. i was encouraged reading about elijah by himself at the brook of hebron. a low point for him. God provides water, food by the ravens and communion with God. rest, eating healthy and praying/reading God's Word. may you not feel isolated but feel His nearness. lean and depend on His strength and great love for you. love & prayers